Ancient Wings Blog
April 6, 2016
The Pursuit of Freedom
as told by a self-proclaimed master on earth
Greetings dear friend! If you are reading this, chances are that you are someone who’s been on a long path of trial and error, navigating through countless ups and downs, yet stubbornly proceeding at a steady pace towards your ultimate goal of absolute freedom.
Chances are that, just like me, despite all that you’ve been taught and programmed to believe, all the attempts to fit in and acquiesce in the norm, you’ve always known deep within that there’s much more to life than simply working hard to make ends meet, being confined to an aging body, coping with drama of family and relationships, and being surrounded by people who don’t get you. You’ve intuitively known that the rewards of our human existence can be much greater and far more fulfilling than the occasional vacation planned to divert yourself from a reality that does not agree with you.
It was your dedication, determination, and unwavering commitment to a more meaningful life that have gotten you this far. You’ve searched and chased, you’ve attentively listened to all who claimed to have found the answer, read all the life-changing books that fell into your hands, and listened to all the soothing, inspiring, or transformative soundtracks. You have practiced meditation, perhaps even yoga, and have learned a wide variety of techniques, ancient or new, that offered the tempting promise of self improvement, and a heightened state of consciousness.
If you are anything close to the overachiever that I was, you’ve probably got all sorts of credentials, piles of impressive certificates in all of the so-called alternative healing and teaching programs offered by those you strongly believed to be above you regarding spiritual hierarchy. You took all the metaphysical classes, read all spiritual blogs, subscribed to all uplifting newsletters, and attended all mystical retreats and webinars. You filled your drawers and cabinets with transcripts, brochures, class handouts, and personal notes that you truly believed were all so precious but had never had the time to revisit.
There was always something new, something better or more advanced for you to learn, to get your hands and mind into. There was always the next level that would get you closer to your goal. Eventually, freedom became the carrot at the end of a stick which seemed impossible for one to reach.
After a while - a decade or two - you find yourself scratching your head, wondering where all this strenuous work and steadfast effort are taking you. You begin doubting your conviction that life is going to get better one day, that you are going to become a yet better version of yourself if you only learned this one more thing, or attended this one more class. You endeavor to continue in your known, by now already old path, ever faithful to your uncompromising searching, acting the same way as you did before, but you begin lacking the excitement, the passion, and the motivation.
The dreadful time comes when you feel you’ve heard it all, when you suspect you’ve surpassed most of your teachers, and transcended most of the techniques. There is a deep sadness that takes over you, you morn your feel-good old identity of a devoted pupil, an ardent seeker. You can no longer pretend to still be a student but you are not yet comfortable in your new place. You are not even sure what this new place is. It is all so new, unfamiliar, completely unchartered territory to your puzzled, beloved mind.
You look back and realize that you have changed so much, you don’t even recognize the person you were ten or even five years ago, and to your greatest disappointment, the world has remained exactly the same, if not worse than before. You even dare to ask what the point was to all of the pain and suffering you went through to become this new, awakened person that you are now. Oh, the endless tears and sleepless nights! The agonizing awareness of your outdated, self-destructive patterns, and all the pain of letting go! The facing of your worst fears, the resurfacing of unsettling emotions that you had worked so hard to bury so deep, out of your sight.
However liberating is the realization that all is gone by now, and that you have never before felt as clear and as comfortable as you are with your new self, everything else outwardly remains dull, dreary, and regrettably the same.
You question the sanity of it all. Were you so far off to think it was possible to live in joy, grace and peace in a world as chaotic as this? You look into the bag of tools you’ve accumulated over the years to find one that will help you to overcome the emptiness, the sadness, depression even, but the once reliable tools are no longer effective. You have changed a great deal and they don’t work anymore. You look around and witness most people going about their lives in total oblivion, and you feel inclined to envy them.
You did not feel you belonged then, before your profound transformation, and you don’t feel you belong now. So what is one to do?
Strangely enough, especially to the overachiever with an overactive brain, the answer is: nothing. Yes, you heard me correctly - absolutely nothing!
My initial reaction to such a liberating realization was to feel once again lost, then sad, and later depressed. Breathing consciously, still my favorite tool, did not help no matter how much I tried it in order to overcome my present sense of desolation.
Having nothing to do, I ate more than my body needed, and watched more movies than my mind could stand. Even made a few attempts to find an answer in one more workshop. The mind, in sheer panic, desperately sought something to occupy itself with, horrified with the prospect of losing its primordial significance in the new scheme of things.
Nothing? Seriously? What is the point then? After all that bliss, all those moments of utter inner peace, of standing in awe, gratitude and reverence for all things and all beings?
Oh, all the times I’ve walked around with a smile on my face, expressing outwardly the wholehearted freedom safely housed in the sacred space within! The intoxicating waves of pure ecstasy that traveled unannounced throughout my whole body when I least expected. The abundant tears of joy, the profound connection with animals and nature, the palpable awareness of oneness!
After all the clarity, the euphoria of finally remembering who I really am, the certainty that life in itself is an extraordinary gift to be enjoyed regardless what is taking place in the outside world. The experience of boundless compassion for humanity, and unconditional love for the human self. The reassuring knowingness that I am exactly where I’ve always longed to be!
Here and now, in a place ruled by freedom and freedom alone.
The arrival, the completion. The end, and the beginning.
After all that, what else would I need? There is nothing else that needs to be done. It is simply time to enjoy life just for the fun of it, to choose and create that which brings me joy, while strengthening my connection with spirit.
There is nothing to be fixed or improved. The daily motions of chopping wood and carrying water will always be present but I experience them all from a new, grander perspective, in a carefree sort of way.
More than ever, I rejoice in my interactions with kindred spirits in both sides of the veil. I meet wonderful beings like yourself when I choose to participate in a fun gathering somewhere away from home. In the comfort of my own beautiful living space, I regularly connect with the loving energies of Archangel Michael and Yeshua through Robert Theiss and Koka. I participate in the monthly shouds of beloved Adamus Saint Germain through Geoff and Linda Hope. I delight at the Soul Cafe with cheerful Kuthumi through Marisa Calvi. They are all dear friends.
From the new, expanded state I have allowed for myself, I bid you namaste dear friend!
Know that slowly but surely the mind adjusts to the new. Doing no thing, life gets better each day! There is much joy in ‘nothing’!